"And the truth shall set you free" read the banner as he looked obscurely through his window, and was the day's paraphernalia. Ryan was cautiously excited as he switched on the news on his swanky television set on which he watched cheap shows. For the first time in years, the newsreader wasn't faking her smile. "It's a crackling morning here in Tallahassee, and the day of the pathological truth-sayer is here. It is that day when we strip ourselves of our masquerading self and shameful lies, our stuttering decency and our ceremonious courtesies . If you're new to this town, let me tell you that today is that day of this decade when everyone is obligated to tell the truth, white or black, outrageous or trivial, written or verbal. So, brace yourselves, ladies and gentleman, in the words of a masked super hero, a storm is coming."
Ryan was relatively new to town; he was skeptical of people acquiescing to this charade. The TV lady continued "I would also like to tell our viewers that I slept with my boss to get this job and I regret it less than he does. He is 2 years older than my father." Now, he was less skeptical, but news is still showbiz after all thought Ryan. And showbiz is one place where they can lie about speaking the truth.
He had a quick shower, and as always, he timed exiting the apartment so he could bump into Ann on the 5th floor. However, if the past was any testimony, they would have a frustrating and socially awkward conversation in the elevator. Ryan though was an eternally optimist. She entered and he waved awkwardly and slowly, muttering a hey under his breath. "Hi Ryan" she whispered. He liked that she used his name. He squinted a look at her from the corner of his eye. In an abrupt aberration, she startlingly turned towards him and said "I know you've been timing yourself to bump into me. For someone with your looks to be dating me, you got to have more money or be incredibly great in bed. From the looks of it, the easier option for you would be making more money, but I don't see you working hard enough." The elevator door and his heart thumped open. He was at MIT, his ego took a beating. She added "I like your friend that drops by Fridays though." He hated his friend too. The day was just getting started.
He walked on the streets shuddering and clasping his hands together, trying to shake his previous misfortune of his mind. He walked towards Walmart when he crossed a beggar miserably holding a sign "Too lazy to work.Need your money to drink". He looked up. The big board read "Walmart-Crushing small businesses since 1964." He entered and strolled around for his routine essentials. Coke. "Drink sugar water because we've marketed it well". He moved on. Diet Coke. "Because running is too main stream." That's me, he thought. 2 litres later, the bacon collectibles were on display surrounded by neon light, with divine cloudy smoke emanating. "Have some pig, be a pig". Added to cart promptly. Ramen noodles read "Save money for beer". He added the 20 pack to his cart. It reminded him of beer. Foster's he thought. "Made in Boston. Nothing Australian about it". Heineken. "Drink it because your life is shitty". Some whiskey too, he thought. "Jack Daniels-Helping ugly people get laid". Added immediately.
He headed towards the counter, and emptied his trolley. He saw a pack of Durex condoms. "Children are evil. Ask your parents". He slipped a few in and got out. The Walmart man wished him a crappy day.
He came out stunned and dismayed. Why wasn't anyone lying ? No deceit, no flattery, no small talk. Criminals were turning themselves in, guys were telling girls they look fat, people were reading the terms and conditions before ticking it. Politicians were promising they'll do nothing for the people and babies were getting called ugly. Discombobulated, and perplexed, he began to consider the possibility that humanity, perhaps including him had lost the ability to lie. That couldn't be possible he thought, but he wanted to be unquestionably sure. Hinged onto this thought, he saw a woman walking by. Her face was positively disgusting, almost hideous, and he was going to tell her she looked sparklingly beautiful.
"Excuse me Miss. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think you look like a... toilet brush ... one that has been used in a destitute's house whose bathroom doesn't have a flush."
The lights before his eyes went off, as her knee supersoniced to below his belt. He had lost the ability to lie, that was clear, he had also lost a few abilities below his belt.
He called office with an intention to call in sick. He instead ended up telling his boss he hated his job, him and his salary. He was meeting a date in the evening, and he chuckled at himself realizing that she'd wickedly scheduled it on this particular day. He slept through the day, and turned up 5 minutes early at the restaurant. He nervously checked his fly twice as he waited for her. He was checking his phone for updates, when he saw her come towards him. They hadn't seen each other earlier.
He approached her, slowly, but not too slowly. "Hey. You must be Liz." She nodded her head and he continued. "You look good, but not that good that you're too good for me. I can fancy you but I'm also relieved you're not very pretty. Also I'm superficial."
"Hello Ryan. No, You're way too ordinary looking for me. I am disappointed and bored already. But I don't earn much and I also have low standards so it evens out and I'm probably not too good for you." she retorted. "Shall we go inside?" They had a seat and got the menus.
He looked at the right hand sections disdainfully. "I did not realize it was so expensive. Please order the red wine and a cheap burger. You probably will just pretend like you want to pay when the cheque arrives but I'll be the one shelling out." "Yes, I'll do that. But I see that you're both ugly and poor. I think this will be our last date." she said sharply and certainly.
"I have a good sense of humour and come of well socially." said he, as if he had a made a comeback. "Ok. I can go out one more time if you make me laugh more than 7 times." she said cautiously and calculatingly. "I can make you laugh 20. I'm also very smart, and will probably be rich in a couple of years." he said, throwing his trump card.
"How rich?" she asked curiously, and the bored dull expression on her face was all but history. "Million dollars rich." he said confidently and aptly. She lifted her eyebrows and her back. "I notice you're showing more cleavage now. I will take it as a sign that you're impressed." he said. She agreed meekly. "Yes. The balance of power has shifted. You have the upper hand. I just decided that I will sleep with you after 3 dates, not too long that you lose interest, and not too short that you think I'm promiscuous and licentious."
"I've been told I don't do very well in bed" he admitted. She negotiated."After the fifth date then." "I'm not looking for a long term relationship" he said. She recalculated. "After the sixth date then. I'm hoping you'll continue our arrangement till the sixth date by when you'd realize that I'm spontaneous, yet careful; fast, yet steady; cheerful, yet poignant. You'd have fallen for me, and having seen me laugh at your jokes, you'd like me more. By this time, you would have changed your mind about your commitment."
He paused for a while, as he ran his fingers over his chin and neck. She was making sense to him. "Yes. Your assumptions are valid. We'll end up dating for a couple of years, by when we'll not like each other so much that we get married, but not dislike each other so much that we break up." They were in unison now. She said "Right. Six more months later and you'll realize that doing the dating scene all over again is going to be painful, and you'll propose to me with a massive diamond ring from your new found wealth, and I'll elatedly say yes."
She continued "We'll have kids, and ten years later, I'll lose my looks and you'll cheat on me, and we'll have a bitter marriage, but we'll stay together because of the kids. When the first one turns 18, the marriage will be suffocating and we'll call it quits."
"We won't have an amicable divorce settlement, and it will cause us a great deal of trauma. We'll only meet at our children's weddings and graduations, and we'll die lonely, desperate, and void of all meaning." There was an awkward long silence, perpetuated by the lack of music at the setting. The food hadn't arrived. The wine bottle was almost over. "Let's skip over the pain of dating and marriage, I'll pay the bill, you come up to my apartment, we'll have an awkward first amorous encounter, and we never see each other again." he stated.
Clearly she was losing, she thought. "And what do I get in return?"
"The cheeseburger".
She gulped the cheeseburger like there was no tomorrow.
Ryan was relatively new to town; he was skeptical of people acquiescing to this charade. The TV lady continued "I would also like to tell our viewers that I slept with my boss to get this job and I regret it less than he does. He is 2 years older than my father." Now, he was less skeptical, but news is still showbiz after all thought Ryan. And showbiz is one place where they can lie about speaking the truth.
He had a quick shower, and as always, he timed exiting the apartment so he could bump into Ann on the 5th floor. However, if the past was any testimony, they would have a frustrating and socially awkward conversation in the elevator. Ryan though was an eternally optimist. She entered and he waved awkwardly and slowly, muttering a hey under his breath. "Hi Ryan" she whispered. He liked that she used his name. He squinted a look at her from the corner of his eye. In an abrupt aberration, she startlingly turned towards him and said "I know you've been timing yourself to bump into me. For someone with your looks to be dating me, you got to have more money or be incredibly great in bed. From the looks of it, the easier option for you would be making more money, but I don't see you working hard enough." The elevator door and his heart thumped open. He was at MIT, his ego took a beating. She added "I like your friend that drops by Fridays though." He hated his friend too. The day was just getting started.
He walked on the streets shuddering and clasping his hands together, trying to shake his previous misfortune of his mind. He walked towards Walmart when he crossed a beggar miserably holding a sign "Too lazy to work.Need your money to drink". He looked up. The big board read "Walmart-Crushing small businesses since 1964." He entered and strolled around for his routine essentials. Coke. "Drink sugar water because we've marketed it well". He moved on. Diet Coke. "Because running is too main stream." That's me, he thought. 2 litres later, the bacon collectibles were on display surrounded by neon light, with divine cloudy smoke emanating. "Have some pig, be a pig". Added to cart promptly. Ramen noodles read "Save money for beer". He added the 20 pack to his cart. It reminded him of beer. Foster's he thought. "Made in Boston. Nothing Australian about it". Heineken. "Drink it because your life is shitty". Some whiskey too, he thought. "Jack Daniels-Helping ugly people get laid". Added immediately.
He headed towards the counter, and emptied his trolley. He saw a pack of Durex condoms. "Children are evil. Ask your parents". He slipped a few in and got out. The Walmart man wished him a crappy day.
He came out stunned and dismayed. Why wasn't anyone lying ? No deceit, no flattery, no small talk. Criminals were turning themselves in, guys were telling girls they look fat, people were reading the terms and conditions before ticking it. Politicians were promising they'll do nothing for the people and babies were getting called ugly. Discombobulated, and perplexed, he began to consider the possibility that humanity, perhaps including him had lost the ability to lie. That couldn't be possible he thought, but he wanted to be unquestionably sure. Hinged onto this thought, he saw a woman walking by. Her face was positively disgusting, almost hideous, and he was going to tell her she looked sparklingly beautiful.
"Excuse me Miss. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think you look like a... toilet brush ... one that has been used in a destitute's house whose bathroom doesn't have a flush."
The lights before his eyes went off, as her knee supersoniced to below his belt. He had lost the ability to lie, that was clear, he had also lost a few abilities below his belt.
He called office with an intention to call in sick. He instead ended up telling his boss he hated his job, him and his salary. He was meeting a date in the evening, and he chuckled at himself realizing that she'd wickedly scheduled it on this particular day. He slept through the day, and turned up 5 minutes early at the restaurant. He nervously checked his fly twice as he waited for her. He was checking his phone for updates, when he saw her come towards him. They hadn't seen each other earlier.
He approached her, slowly, but not too slowly. "Hey. You must be Liz." She nodded her head and he continued. "You look good, but not that good that you're too good for me. I can fancy you but I'm also relieved you're not very pretty. Also I'm superficial."
"Hello Ryan. No, You're way too ordinary looking for me. I am disappointed and bored already. But I don't earn much and I also have low standards so it evens out and I'm probably not too good for you." she retorted. "Shall we go inside?" They had a seat and got the menus.
He looked at the right hand sections disdainfully. "I did not realize it was so expensive. Please order the red wine and a cheap burger. You probably will just pretend like you want to pay when the cheque arrives but I'll be the one shelling out." "Yes, I'll do that. But I see that you're both ugly and poor. I think this will be our last date." she said sharply and certainly.
"I have a good sense of humour and come of well socially." said he, as if he had a made a comeback. "Ok. I can go out one more time if you make me laugh more than 7 times." she said cautiously and calculatingly. "I can make you laugh 20. I'm also very smart, and will probably be rich in a couple of years." he said, throwing his trump card.
"How rich?" she asked curiously, and the bored dull expression on her face was all but history. "Million dollars rich." he said confidently and aptly. She lifted her eyebrows and her back. "I notice you're showing more cleavage now. I will take it as a sign that you're impressed." he said. She agreed meekly. "Yes. The balance of power has shifted. You have the upper hand. I just decided that I will sleep with you after 3 dates, not too long that you lose interest, and not too short that you think I'm promiscuous and licentious."
"I've been told I don't do very well in bed" he admitted. She negotiated."After the fifth date then." "I'm not looking for a long term relationship" he said. She recalculated. "After the sixth date then. I'm hoping you'll continue our arrangement till the sixth date by when you'd realize that I'm spontaneous, yet careful; fast, yet steady; cheerful, yet poignant. You'd have fallen for me, and having seen me laugh at your jokes, you'd like me more. By this time, you would have changed your mind about your commitment."
He paused for a while, as he ran his fingers over his chin and neck. She was making sense to him. "Yes. Your assumptions are valid. We'll end up dating for a couple of years, by when we'll not like each other so much that we get married, but not dislike each other so much that we break up." They were in unison now. She said "Right. Six more months later and you'll realize that doing the dating scene all over again is going to be painful, and you'll propose to me with a massive diamond ring from your new found wealth, and I'll elatedly say yes."
She continued "We'll have kids, and ten years later, I'll lose my looks and you'll cheat on me, and we'll have a bitter marriage, but we'll stay together because of the kids. When the first one turns 18, the marriage will be suffocating and we'll call it quits."
"We won't have an amicable divorce settlement, and it will cause us a great deal of trauma. We'll only meet at our children's weddings and graduations, and we'll die lonely, desperate, and void of all meaning." There was an awkward long silence, perpetuated by the lack of music at the setting. The food hadn't arrived. The wine bottle was almost over. "Let's skip over the pain of dating and marriage, I'll pay the bill, you come up to my apartment, we'll have an awkward first amorous encounter, and we never see each other again." he stated.
Clearly she was losing, she thought. "And what do I get in return?"
"The cheeseburger".
She gulped the cheeseburger like there was no tomorrow.
3 comments:
The prose drips cynicism like only the blind man at the 3D show. It's shameless like a whore, faithless like a priest, asphyxiating as a sinking car, Yet it is transfixing in its twistedness, bewildering in its obsession with the day. It is praiseworthy and filthy, much like the sex that happened after the last fullstop...
or so he hopes...
Haha.. Loved your comment.
In the interest of tradition: What depth!! :)
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